Dan's Song

Hey, I was challenged!

To the tune of "Holding out for a Hero," which can be found on the Shrek 2 Soundtrack.

Where have all my linens gone
And where are all the sheets?
Here's a smart-ass Catholic
To fight with rising odds.
Isn't there a white bag under a cotton sheath?
Late at night I toss and turn and dream of what I need.

(Chorus)
I need a pillow.
I'm holding out for a pillow 'til the end of the night.
I’ve gotta be strong.
And I’ve gotta be fast.
And I’ve gotta be fresh for the fight.
I need a pillow.
I'm holding out for a pillow 'til the morning light.
I’ve gotta be sure.
And it's gotta be soon.
And it's gotta be larger than life.

Somewhere after midnight
In my wildest fantasy
Somewhere just beyond my reach
There's a pillow coming back at me.
Racing on the thunder and rising with new speed.
It's gonna take a mattress to sweep me off my feet.

(Chorus)

Up where the fabric meets the ceiling above
Out where the sugar cuts cuts the tea
I would swear that there's someone somewhere
Teasing me.

Through the wind and the chill and the rain
And the storm and the flood
I can feel her jibes
Like fire in my blood.

I'm not entirely happy with it: the rhyme scheme isn't perfect, and the meter is off in one or two places, but would you have thought of scanning "pillow" with "hero"?

I think that the places where the original text is intact are especially funny.