Not Valid for Travel To Or In Communist Controlled Portions of Berkeley

Facts And Figures: The Free State of California

Location The Free State of California extends from latitude 32 degrees 30' to 42 degrees N. It is bordered on the north and east by the United States, on the South by Mexico, and on the west by the Pacific Ocean. Note: This location is subject to change without notice. Consult your nearest seismograph station for up-to-the-minute details.

Land Area California has a land area of 158,693 square miles which is divided into three distinct regions; tho mountains, the desert, and the beach. If you see something green, look closer. See that little tag? It says, "Property of Walt Disney Studios."

Water Area There are 2,108 square miles of water, almost all of it in swimming pools.

Government California's form of government is called a thesocracy. Thesocracy is a Greek word meaning "government by film stars and gossip columnists."

Ecology Citizens of California are serious in their concern for the ecology. Many, in fact, refuse to use Naugahyde in their cars because they have been told the Nauga is an endangered species.

Seasons California has two seasons: dry and damp. You can quickly tell which season it is by looking at the trees. If they're not on fire it's the damp season.

Capital City Los Angeles is the largest and most important city in California, but it is not the capital. San Francisco is the most beautiful city in California, but it is not the capital either. San Diego is both large and beautiful and has a nice zoo. San Diego is not the capital. No, the capital of California is Sacramento. The reason is that gold was first discovered there, which naturally attracted all the politicians. They never left.

Plant and Animal Life California has both. The difference between the two is that the plants don't move. This is very useful to know when you are in a singles bar where there are normally as many plants as there are animals.

Famous California Scientist Hank Bloch of Caltech. Dr. Block developed the Special Theory of Relatives. The Special Theory states that relatives are invisible to the stationary observer. When the observer moves to California, however, relatives can be seen all the time, especially in the guest room.

National Joke How many Californians does it take to install a light bulb? Answer: Twenty-five. One to screw it in and twenty-four to hold up the solar panel that powers it.

National Motto "Build a better pet rock and people will beat a path to your door."

National Tree The Redwood.

National Tree Stump The Redwood burl. It is also the national coffee table.

Foreign Trade Though The Free State of California is a net exporter of artichokes, situation comedies, and politicians, it is still plagued by a balance-of-payments deficit. This is because we spend all our Cal-dollars in the U.S. border towns of Las Vegas and Reno. The odds are 7 to 5 against California ever getting even.

Natural Resources California is blessed with abundant supplies of oil, borax and pumice. In addition, it has 95% of the known world supply of cute, talking animals. The recent discovery of vast plastic deposits under Los Angeles should make California self-sufficient in credit cards by the late 1980's. -Passport: Free State of California 1979, JGM Productions