I May Have Been Reading Too Many House Minutes...

Here's my Broomball Article. I'm going to send it to Bette before I can do any more damage.

Well fortified by the Rice and Beans served by second-year Danny Wasserman at the Undergraduate Dinner, the Calvert House Papal Bulls spilled onto the Midway Ice Rink with the unifying cry, "Unam Sanctam!" They were cheered on in their quest by several passionate spectators, who made the night air echo with cries of "Give me an A! Give me an M! Give me a D! Give me a G! What does that spell? AD MAJORAM DEI GLORIAM!"

Father Michael Yakitis, still peeved by threats of liturgical dance to the tune of "Hey Mickey," refused Patrick la Victoire's request to pronounce anathema upon the other team -- and everyone else seemed to have problems pronouncing it as well, as Suzanne Lawler's cries "Give me an A! N! A! T! H! E! M! A!" Were met with profound silence worthy of a Carmelite Monastery. There was, however, one unfortunate sidelines brawl between Ms. Lawler and Mr. la Victoire, that appeared to be over the title of "executioner." Despite both parties' lovely curls, no hair-pulling occured.

The Broadview Brawlers, who came without a pep sqad, found themselves short one girl, and so several Calvert girls, including Erin Sweeney, played against their own team. Out of true Christian charity, they refused to sabotage the Brawlers, and (it is still being debated) may have aided the one goal of the game, against the intimidating goalie Adam Molnar in the first half. The Beatitudes were perhaps too present, as the Papal Bulls lost the game 1-0, despite the quintessentially dorky cheer of "Yeah our team has got momentum! Et Antiquum Documentum!" Patrick is being blamed.

The absence of ardent Broomball fan Jared "Robo" Sagoff was duly noted. It may have been due to his erronious belief that Papal Bulls are Church pets. Alice Hutton has informed him that such creatures are politely referred to as liturgists.