Bad Music for Going A Wife-Ing
Or, Ian's "Better than Homework" mix.
n.b: Katie says, "Pat, that's like saying, 'Better than Vomit'." With that image, shall we proceed?
1. the Mountain Goats, "No Children." The refrain in this divorce song contains the lyrics, "I hope we die. I hope we both die." Need I (to be cliched) say more?
2. They Might Be Giants, "Lucky Ball & Chain," another song about a failed marriage. The "ball & chain" is the ex-wife.
3. Jolie Holland, "The Littlest Birds." Not an overtly bad song for going a wife-ing, but rather sad and gloomy.
4. Great Big Sea, "The Chemical Worker's Song." Doesn't the title say it all? Just in case it (ahem) doesn't, I quote from the chorus, "and it's go, boys, go. They'll time your every breath. And every day you're in this place you're two days nearer death."
However, the band does have a) a bodhran and b) hot Canadian accents.
5. Toadies, "Hell Below, Stars Above." Again, I quote, "Stars above are smiling down/ever since you put me down."
6. The Crystals, "He's A Rebel." Not so much bad wife-ing as bad lexicography. "He's a rebel and he'll never be any good/He's a rebel 'cause he never ever does what he should" (duh?). The first verse defines this rebellion as shuffling his feet. (ooh, sexy!)
7. Logan Whitehurst & The Junior Science Club, "How Ya Doing, Emily." This song, in its saccharine cuteness, appears to have wandered onto the wrong record. That said, I love it. It isn't bad wife-ing music, particularly, but it seems to lack all or any testosterone. Here's a review of the album. This song demonstrates what I imagine Ian's wife-ing expeditions must have been like (not that I think Ian isn't masculine... he's just so cute. Cute like a puppy. Cute like a puppy with a nine-foot bullwhip in his dorm room.)
8. They Might Be Giants, "Istanbul (Not Constantinople)." Depends on your opinion of They Might Be Giants. This song always reminds me of the Urban School Chorus, which sang it for a concert. It also reminds me of Nick, who is so Greek Orthodox he always calls it Constantinople.
9. Ricky Martin, "Livin' La Vida Loca." Personally, I prefer the cover from Shrek II. Honestly, guys. "She'll take away your pain/Like a bullet to your brain"? Are you sure you are going a wife-ing to the right girls?
10. I recuse myself on this one. Okay, no I don't. What the heck?
11. "Love will never comfort you." (I actually like this song a great deal, but it's not good wife-ing music.)
12 Bob Seger, "Rock and Roll Never Forgets." Okay, if you're courting a woman in her early thirties. I guess.
13. Loren Jan Wilson, "Kissing God." Check out his website. So, so U Chicago.
14. "All I wanted/All I needed/You gave me none of the above. My will is gone now/I can't believe it/but I don't want to fall in love." Later, "you will surely find/that love is not just blind/but that it's also deaf and dumb."
15. Crazy Town, "Butterfly." Guy just out of jail lusts over his girlfriend.
16. Bryan Adams, "Summer of 69." Really cheesy, but not particularly bad wife-ing music. Unless you're Patrick, who can't stand the cheesiness.
17. America, "Sister Golden Hair." "I ain't ready for the altar but I do agree there's times/ When a woman sure can be a friend of mine."
18. Lawrence Arms, "Brickwall Motivations." Starts out with the command, "don't break too many hearts" and goes downhill from there. That said, I love this song.
19. The Juliana Theory, "If I Told You This Was Killing Me, Would You Stop?" Any song with the phrase "now you're drowning in your own saliva"...
20. Warren Zevon, "Poor Poor Pitiful Me."
21. Outkast, "Heya." "I don't want to meet your Daddy/ I just want you in my Caddy."
(Please note: having seen Mr. Thompson dance to this song, I can die happy. Miss Hughes says, "Simeon waited to see the Christ child. You just had to see Geoff dance?")
22. Queen, "Princes of the Universe." Ian has claimed this as his personal theme song. See above comment in re bullwhip.
23. The Verve Pipe, "The Freshmen."
I have to confess that this song reminds me so strongly of High School it makes my heart feel like it's breaking. "For the life of me I cannot remember/ what made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise/for the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins/ we were merely freshmen."
With all this said, I leave you with an example of a good wife-ing song from Ian's collection:
"You are so beautiful/you should be guarded by monkeys."
n.b: Katie says, "Pat, that's like saying, 'Better than Vomit'." With that image, shall we proceed?
1. the Mountain Goats, "No Children." The refrain in this divorce song contains the lyrics, "I hope we die. I hope we both die." Need I (to be cliched) say more?
2. They Might Be Giants, "Lucky Ball & Chain," another song about a failed marriage. The "ball & chain" is the ex-wife.
3. Jolie Holland, "The Littlest Birds." Not an overtly bad song for going a wife-ing, but rather sad and gloomy.
4. Great Big Sea, "The Chemical Worker's Song." Doesn't the title say it all? Just in case it (ahem) doesn't, I quote from the chorus, "and it's go, boys, go. They'll time your every breath. And every day you're in this place you're two days nearer death."
However, the band does have a) a bodhran and b) hot Canadian accents.
5. Toadies, "Hell Below, Stars Above." Again, I quote, "Stars above are smiling down/ever since you put me down."
6. The Crystals, "He's A Rebel." Not so much bad wife-ing as bad lexicography. "He's a rebel and he'll never be any good/He's a rebel 'cause he never ever does what he should" (duh?). The first verse defines this rebellion as shuffling his feet. (ooh, sexy!)
7. Logan Whitehurst & The Junior Science Club, "How Ya Doing, Emily." This song, in its saccharine cuteness, appears to have wandered onto the wrong record. That said, I love it. It isn't bad wife-ing music, particularly, but it seems to lack all or any testosterone. Here's a review of the album. This song demonstrates what I imagine Ian's wife-ing expeditions must have been like (not that I think Ian isn't masculine... he's just so cute. Cute like a puppy. Cute like a puppy with a nine-foot bullwhip in his dorm room.)
8. They Might Be Giants, "Istanbul (Not Constantinople)." Depends on your opinion of They Might Be Giants. This song always reminds me of the Urban School Chorus, which sang it for a concert. It also reminds me of Nick, who is so Greek Orthodox he always calls it Constantinople.
9. Ricky Martin, "Livin' La Vida Loca." Personally, I prefer the cover from Shrek II. Honestly, guys. "She'll take away your pain/Like a bullet to your brain"? Are you sure you are going a wife-ing to the right girls?
10. I recuse myself on this one. Okay, no I don't. What the heck?
11. "Love will never comfort you." (I actually like this song a great deal, but it's not good wife-ing music.)
12 Bob Seger, "Rock and Roll Never Forgets." Okay, if you're courting a woman in her early thirties. I guess.
13. Loren Jan Wilson, "Kissing God." Check out his website. So, so U Chicago.
14. "All I wanted/All I needed/You gave me none of the above. My will is gone now/I can't believe it/but I don't want to fall in love." Later, "you will surely find/that love is not just blind/but that it's also deaf and dumb."
15. Crazy Town, "Butterfly." Guy just out of jail lusts over his girlfriend.
16. Bryan Adams, "Summer of 69." Really cheesy, but not particularly bad wife-ing music. Unless you're Patrick, who can't stand the cheesiness.
17. America, "Sister Golden Hair." "I ain't ready for the altar but I do agree there's times/ When a woman sure can be a friend of mine."
18. Lawrence Arms, "Brickwall Motivations." Starts out with the command, "don't break too many hearts" and goes downhill from there. That said, I love this song.
19. The Juliana Theory, "If I Told You This Was Killing Me, Would You Stop?" Any song with the phrase "now you're drowning in your own saliva"...
20. Warren Zevon, "Poor Poor Pitiful Me."
21. Outkast, "Heya." "I don't want to meet your Daddy/ I just want you in my Caddy."
(Please note: having seen Mr. Thompson dance to this song, I can die happy. Miss Hughes says, "Simeon waited to see the Christ child. You just had to see Geoff dance?")
22. Queen, "Princes of the Universe." Ian has claimed this as his personal theme song. See above comment in re bullwhip.
23. The Verve Pipe, "The Freshmen."
I have to confess that this song reminds me so strongly of High School it makes my heart feel like it's breaking. "For the life of me I cannot remember/ what made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise/for the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins/ we were merely freshmen."
With all this said, I leave you with an example of a good wife-ing song from Ian's collection:
"You are so beautiful/you should be guarded by monkeys."
1 Comments:
yeah, i pretty much just call it constantinople, too. thank you for the tracklist, it has indicated to me that i'm doing it all wrong [but nothing can take Kanon Pokajanen off my wife-ing mixes].
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Anonymous, at 6:36 PM
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