Real-Life Conversations.

Or, at least, Real-Internet Conversations

Alice: The first story I remember writing was with you. We were going to write a mystery about pets who found stolen jewels, but we stopped the project when we had an argument about how to spell the word "mystery" in the title.
Alice: You were right.
Jessica: Holy damn, woman.
Jessica: I do not remember that at all.

Alice: It's my Saint's day!
Andrew: ohhhh ok
Alice: And, hey, it's cake, what are you complaining about?
Andrew: So true, what kinda cake?
Alice: Chocolate.
Andrew: oooohhhh
Alice: You know, I think Zachary Lamb had a crush on me.
Andrew: Wow, that was random.
Alice: Remember when we were little and chocolate would make me sick?
Andrew: that had to be the randomest thing ever.
Andrew: It did?
Alice: On his birthday, Zach always made sure that there was one non-chocolate cupcake for me.
Andrew: Whoa.
Alice: No, I just said that it did to get attention, but that was nice of him, don't you think?

Andrew: I wonder whatever happened to that guy
Alice: Yeah. Was his father in the military?
Andrew: Damn, you remember more things than me
Alice: You know, there is a solution to this problem...GOOGLE!

Alice (to Andrew): I mean, saying that you've become a devout Catholic in SF is like saying you're a Lesbian in Nebraska.

Alice: You [and Jared] seem to be getting along.
Patrick: Yes, in Calvinball we made each other put our pants back on.

Alice (to Nick, in his car): So I was in maybe sixth grade, reading Dear Abby, and this woman wrote in saying that her husband had been reading anti-circumcision literature, and was moping over his loss and fretting over a lack of protection, and she was wondering if she could knit him some sort of a cover...
Nick: (a snort)
Alice: I mean, No! NO, you cannot!
Time passes...
Alice (referring to the 4th-of-July and pyromania): Missing any appendages? Do I need to knit you anything?